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This Month's Dare
September 2019 CWIVES Sex Fan Club Guidelines Dare
September’s CWIVES Dare of the Month will help you transform from “too nice” into “full of spice” in the bedroom! First, a fun fact: did you know that CWIVES originated at a monastery? It’s true! In 2010, Dr. Jennifer went on a silent retreat at Gethsemani Abbey to work on the book No More Christian Nice Girl, and while writing the sex chapter there, converted her and her co-author’s sexual advice into guidelines for an imaginary sex fan club called Christian Wives Initiating Valuing and Enjoying Sex, or CWIVES. This sounded like so much fun that she started CWIVES to encourage wives to make their sex lives sizzle, and then the Dare of the Month, and then Fan the Flame events, and…well, here we are almost ten years later with 7,000 wives receiving the Dare newsletter!
September’s Dare challenges you to spice up your sex life by following the club guidelines originally shared in No More Christian Nice Girl (available autographed here or from Amazon). When wives are “too nice” in the bedroom, they feel more like awkward, anxious, passive girls than sexually confident women who take active responsibility for their own pleasure.
Pick at least one of the guidelines below to put into practice for September, and if you’d like to possibly win a prize, email your story to firstname.lastname@example.org by September 25, 2019, about what happened after you implemented it. We’ll randomly choose an entry to win a prize to make your marriage sizzle, plus we’ll share the stories on our website and in the October Dare newsletter (with identities concealed). Your story can help inspire other wives to connect with their God-given sexuality as they replace “too nice” with “full of spice”!
1) Dig out your lingerie and begin coming to bed at least one night a month looking slinky instead of looking like you’re going to yoga class or are Ma Ingalls from “Little House on the Prairie.” You’re likely to be the most sexually responsive the week after your period ends, so try scheduling Slinky Night then.
2) Take the Cute Panties Pledge and throw away your old, raggedy, boring underwear. Invest in cute panties or thongs that make you feel secretly sassy under your clothing.
3) Be a creative initiator of sexual intimacy like the wife in Song of Songs 7:13 who prepares to surprise her husband with “every delicacy, both new and old.” Here are previous Dares to help you get your groove on! For romantic background music, check out our very first Spotify playlist called “Dr. Jennifer’s Sexy Songs for Seducing Your Spouse.”
4) Leave the lights on during sex. It builds intimacy and connection to look your husband in the eyes and to enjoy how much he enjoys looking at your body.
5) Stop apologizing for your body or pointing out what you don’t like about your body. No one is blessed or turned on by this behavior, including you.
6) Don’t feign illness or sleep to evade sex. It’s deceptive and cowardly. Instead, if you don’t want to have sex, say, “I don’t want to make love right now. How about later today or tomorrow?”
7) Don’t fake orgasms just to be nice. It’s not nice to lie to your husband, and he’ll assume everything he’s doing sexually is working great for you. Most women don’t orgasm every time they have sex, and if this is becoming a chronic issue, take responsibility for your own pleasure by talking with your husband about what the two of you could do to make sex better for you. (You could watch the Fan the Flame DVD together to learn how to make sex more pleasurable.)
8) Tell the truth about your sexual preferences. Write them down if speaking them aloud feels too weird. Your husband is not a mind reader or a nudge reader. You can learn to speak the truth in love while making love.
9) Be open to his sexual preferences. This doesn’t mean you should be open to sexual activities that degrade you or clearly violate God’s Word. It does mean that you stretch yourself to try a few things he suggests, like watching TV naked (why do so many husbands think this is sexy?!?) or having sex in your car in the garage.
10) Get appropriate treatment for sexual pain, chronic lack of sexual desire, or history of sexual abuse. Talk to your doctor or a therapist, read a book—just please get the help you need and deserve.
11) Pray to God about your sexuality. Sex is God’s idea, and all of heaven is ready to help when you’re exhausted and your husband is giving you “the look.” God specializes in bringing dead things back to life so you may be pleasantly surprised by what comes alive when you take time to pray for your sex life.
12) Don’t remain willfully ignorant of your husband’s legitimate need for sexual intimacy with an active, interested wife. If you have repeatedly turned him down and he has stopped asking you, it’s probably not because he’s lost interest in sex like you have. It’s because it hurts too much when you say “no” over and over or when you participate begrudgingly.
SEPTEMBER CONTEST: Pick at least one of the guidelines above to put into practice for September, and email your story to email@example.com by September 25, 2019, about what happened after you implemented it. We’ll randomly choose an entry to win a prize to make your marriage sizzle, plus we’ll share the stories on our website and in the October Dare newsletter (with identities concealed).
Dare of the Month Spotify Playlist
We’ve created a Spotify page for Tip Talk with Dr. Jennifer Degler. Listen with your husband, your kids, your friends, or just by yourself. Click the link below to enjoy:
Deck of Dares