What do you think sex means to your husband? Try this fun and enlightening task: Find two index cards. On one card, write these questions:
1) “When we have had great sex together, I feel and think….?”
2) “How do you feel about and what do you think about our marriage after we have had great sex?
3) “How do you feel about and what do you think about yourself after we have had great sex?”
On the second card, write these questions:
1) “When we have had great conversation together, I feel and think….?”
2) “How do you feel about and what do you think about our marriage after we have had great conversation?
3) “How do you feel about and what do you think about yourself after we have had great conversation?”
Give your husband the sex questions card to fill out while you fill out the conversation questions card. Don’t tell him that your questions are different. Then, compare your answers. You may be surprised to find that he draws the same deep connection, personal satisfaction, hope, and energy from great sex that you draw from honest, open conversation. (It’s also enlightening to have him answer the conversation questions and you answer the sex questions.)
It’s easy as wives to roll our eyes in disdain and say “all he thinks about is sex,” as if thinking about married sex is bad (and like thinking frequently about how to “get that man to talk to me” is better somehow). But since when is it bad to think about sex with your wife? Especially when sex makes men (and women) feel loved, noticed, validated, important, needed, connected, empowered, respected, confident, hopeful, cared for, and yes, energized (despite the snorgasm he might have directly afterwards—it’s a physiological thing—he’s really not a jerk for falling asleep so quickly).
Wives need to understand that husbands get far more from sex than physical release; they get what wives get from great conversation (and from sex too): clear confirmation of being loved, respected, and valued. A wife who understands this can then have a heart of compassion toward her husband and his typically higher sex drive instead of resenting his need for frequent sex.
So, what did your husband say that sex means to him? If he is okay with you sharing, please post his answers in the “Leave a Reply” box below.
CWIVES understand what sex means to husbands.
It makes him feel loved and energized. He feels closer to me in our relationship. He says it took him a long time to figure out that satisfying me physically and emotionally is the best part of sex for him. The bonus is that makes it even better for him too!
“..clear confirmation of being loved respected and valued.” I think it is important to remember that, even without these blessings of conversation and sex with our spouse, that we know we are loved, respected and valued by God. And not to get caught in the sin of making either conversation or sex ultimate things.
Like Job, we accept both good and adversity in becoming more like Him & drawing others.
I don’t think sex is rightly paralleled with conversation.
We musn’t misunderstand the analogy of conversation & sex, I believe that was used according to how we are as women. Majority of women are conversationlist,think about it as women some of us get together & we release while we drinking a cup of coffee,tea,etc; rather it’s about our kids,school, job, the goodness of God whatever it is.Men, majority of them don’t indulge in conversation like we do. in fact men are straight to the point,they don’t go thru the details, they get straight to it, & be done with the conversation, We as women on the other hand we are very detailed in our conversation.We go thru every single event of the matter.When it comes to the sex part now you’re talking their(men) language, like the author said they have an higher sex drive than us(women) & some women have a lower sex drive than their husband,And that’s true because that’s how I am in my marriage I have a lower sex drive, but I’ll talk your ears off LOL. But I said all of that to say this, you’ll be a bit surprise when you do look at your answers, & see how similar they are the whole thing to see how each other is passionate on converastion & sex and you both look at it and seek God together for His help, and allow Him to instruct you & your spouse where you both lack at, how both of you can come up as one in these areas. How awesome is that! Hope that this was help wasn’t typed to cause confusion or offend all in the love of Christ!Be blessed.